Healthy connection is about finding a balance between two key elements: connection to yourself and connection to others. Both are equally important, and the goal is to create harmony between them.
Connection to Yourself This is your ability to be self-sufficient. It means trusting yourself to handle life’s challenges, even when others aren’t able to show up for you the way you need. It’s about having resilience, independence, and enough supportive people in your life so that no one person has to carry all the weight.
Connection to Others This is the willingness to let others step in when you need help. It’s about forming meaningful relationships, asking for support, and allowing others to be there for you.
The Balance Imagine a continuum or pendulum that swings between two extremes:
On one extreme is being overly internally focused, where you feel like you have to do everything yourself. You don’t trust anyone, can’t set limits, and won’t allow others to help.
On the other extreme is what has historically been called codependency (distinct from trauma responses). Here, your self-worth depends entirely on others. Your happiness is tied to whether people are happy with you, and your identity becomes wrapped up in meeting their needs.
Neither extreme represents healthy connection. Instead, we aim for a balanced connection—where you trust yourself and your ability to handle life, but also trust others enough to let them in and share the load.
The Therapeutic Process When working toward this balance, it’s normal to swing back and forth between the extremes. For example, you might move from being overly self-reliant to leaning heavily on others, or vice versa. Over time, though, the goal is to “shorten the rope” of that pendulum.
Whether you’re stuck on one extreme or constantly swinging between them, therapeutic work focuses on reducing the distance between these extremes. By shortening the swing of the pendulum, you move closer to balanced connection.
What Does Balanced Connection Look Like? Balanced connection is when:
You trust yourself and know you can manage challenges independently.
You trust others and allow them to support and enrich your life.
It’s not about perfection—it’s about finding that middle ground where both your independence and relationships thrive. Through self-awareness and intentional effort, you can cultivate a life where you feel both capable and deeply connected.
Video:
Comments