Understanding Needs and How to Meet Them

Needs are not limited to basic survival requirements like food, water, and shelter. While those at the bottom of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs are essential to keep us alive, our needs extend far beyond just staying alive.

As we move up Maslow’s pyramid, we encounter needs like emotional safety, security, and connection. These aren’t about survival in the immediate sense—they’re about creating a life worth living. The higher we climb on this hierarchy, the more we’re able to expand our ability to connect with ourselves and others and truly enjoy life, not just endure it.

However, it’s important to understand the difference between identifying a need and demanding a specific way to fulfill it. This is something I often see with clients. For example, someone might recognize a valid need for connection but then insist that their partner meet this need by doing specific things, like spending a certain amount of time with them or engaging in a particular activity.

While the need itself is valid, the solution they propose—or demand—isn’t always reasonable or fair. For instance, someone might say, “I need you to have sex with me because I have a need for connection.” The desire for connection is absolutely valid, but insisting on meeting it in this specific way, without considering the other person’s emotional safety or comfort, isn’t.

To address needs in a healthy way, it’s important to:

1. Identify the underlying need – For example, connection, emotional safety, or security.

2. Explore potential ways to meet the need – What are some options for addressing this need?

3. Consider the other person’s capacity and willingness – Are they interested, willing, or able to participate in meeting this need? What do they need in return to feel safe and respected?

By working together to balance these needs with respect and mutual understanding, we can foster healthier relationships and build trust and emotional safety.

At Connected Recovery™, we help people navigate their needs, identify healthy ways to meet them, and build stronger, safer relationships. If you're ready to take the next step toward healing and connection, reach out today.